This week is the annual preschool bake sale that I look forward to each fall. It's given me a newfound sense of purpose in my life, and I was going to make these Slutty Brownies from What's Gaby Cooking (who also took the above picture). Slutty Brownies are a layer of chocolate chip cookie on the bottom, topped with a layer of Oreos, covered with a layer of brownie, and all that is baked together and cut into squares like regular brownies. This sounded really good and bad at the same time to me, and like they would really sell big at the bake sale, and I particularly support this recipe's use of homemade cookie dough and brownie batter (you can take a shortcut and use store bought cookie dough and box brownie mix).
Only these brownies are apparently whores. hence their name.
But I beg to differ. I think it's really wrong to slut shame an innocent dessert and this sort of thing needs to stop.
These brownies are confident about their sexuality. They are Liberated Brownies!
These brownies are definitely dressing up like a French maid for Halloween. They post a lot of duck faced selfies of themselves on Instagram too. These brownies like to show their cleavage, and yes, they've had a lot of partners, sometimes several in one day, but this was a matter of personal choice. These brownies like sex and aren't afraid to admit it. Publicly. Often. Sometimes when it's really inappropriate to do so, but still. These brownies will hook up with your boyfriend at a party after you leave, but only because they were really drunk. They wear too much makeup and dance on bars.
These brownies go both ways (you can add crushed pretzels to make them salty AND sweet) and they will gladly make out with girls, but only if there are lots of guys watching, because these brownies are all about the spectacle. They fantasize about stripping one day too. It's totally their personality to try out the local titty bar's amateur night. And win. These brownies are someone's mistress. They are definitely on Ashley Madison. They swallow. These brownies will watch porn with you. Naked. These brownies can't keep their hands off you. They want it all the time. You might have to block their number on your phone because they'll send you racy texts all night long and beg you, at three in the morning, to come over and eat them, and it will be very hard to resist.
These brownies are PAN-sexual (see what I did there?), and they shouldn't be ashamed of their decadence, their hedonism, the Oreo cream inside of them! They should be proud and unabashed.
So let's not call them slutty and let's celebrate these brownies for their self-assuredness, and let's put them in our mouths whenever we get the chance, because they are truly delicious.
That said, I didn't end up making them for the bake sale. I thought they would really intimidate the angel food cupcakes.