Weekend Crime Spree! November 7, 2005

It appears as though we have had a bit of a small crime spree at Wide Lawns over the weekend. In my hands right now I have 5 incident reports that detail, quite amusingly, what happened.

The first report was made by a Mrs. Roberta Pike who has on previous occasions called me 15 times in one day for the same thing. When I told her that we had already added so and so to her guest list she informed me that she has no short term memory due to some sort of injury and that she can't remember much of what happens in her present. Perhaps this is the reason she left her keys in her car, sitting unlocked in her driveway. The incident report states that Mrs. Pike went out Sunday morning to get "beagles". I presume the guard meant "bagels" but we can never be sure. Maybe Mrs. Pike wanted some new dogs. When she went to get in the car to get the "beagles" the car wasn't there.

The next three incident reports are much of the same thing. Three other individuals left their keys in their cars, unlocked in their driveways and the cars were stolen in the middle of the night. In one case there was a Mercedes unlocked next to an Odyssey. The keys to the Odyssey were in the Mercedes, so they stole the Odyssey. They also took a Navigator. In all 4 cars were stolen. In the fifth robbery, the thieves did not take the entire car, but stole the $2,000.00 Chloe purse which contained a $400.00 Prada wallet, filled with $250.00, a few tampons, an old lipstick, some mints that had come unwrapped, a coke straw, four pennies and a stick of Extra wintergreen gum.

It is my opinion that this was a crime of oportunity. Here in Wide Lawns we have some particularly awful teenagers who are lonely, spoiled and misguided. They sit home and smoke weed while their mothers ski in Innsbruck and their fathers screw their secretaries and various 19 year old gold diggers. They have no supervision and run wild throughout the community on weekend nights looking for some form of subversive entertainment (they should try blogging, like me), and I think they found one car with the keys and realized there were probably more of the same. They went all the way around Wide Lawn Circle, in order, and had a good old time, but of course the people who live here think it was black people who somehow broke into the community (nearly impossible to do) and not their own progeny.

You may recall that we had a "robbery" during the Hurricane, as well. I forgot to mention that this happened in Surrey Quay, "Cheaters and Beaters." I have the actual police report from the "robbery", which is so BS. I am just about certain that this is a case of insurance fraud, another crime of opportunity, made possible by the chaos of the hurricane. Here it is, for your reading pleasure:

Residence was burglarized by unknown person(s) while family was away due to hurricane. The rear master bedroom door lock was discovered to have been pried to gain entry. The rooms were ransacked and the items reported stolen included, a ladies & mans watch, misc. collection of crystal figurines, a desktop and two laptop computers
with accessories. The master bedroom carpet was also stained throughout with an unknown substance, possibly chlorine bleach. Crime scene was processed for evidence,
a canvas of neighbors proved negative. The house alarm was inactive due to power loss.

Its not that interesting. I have to say that my version is far more entertaining. So now people are freaking out. I got three emails this morning about the alarming escalation of crime in Wide Lawns.