Mid-December 2005 - Card Thieves and Dirty Laundry

Card Thieves

So it seems our crime spree continues. Now they are stealing the outgoing mail out of mailboxes in the middle of the night. Again, its the neighborhood's rotten and vile kids. People place mail in the boxes (holiday cards and the like) and then put the flag up and go to bed. Then the vile kids come by and steal the mail, presuming that a good percentage of the holiday mail may contain cash. I would be willing to bet though that most of it actually doesn't contain any cash, and some might even have checks inside, which are useless to thieves who cant cash them, so its seems a great risk and tremendous inconvenience for very little actual payoff. And plus its just mean and now there are a lot of people who wont get a card or a picture of their grandkids or their nieces and nephews because someone thought maybe there was a twenty in the card. It's truly horrible.

There is an added element of maliciousness involved here too because if the thieves wanted to be more stealth and discreet about their crimes they would just close the mailbox and then the people would think the mailman took the mail and it was en route to its final destination. But no, these kids leave the mailbox open and the flag up still so the people wake up and definitely know that someone stole their cards. What jerks.

The Shrimp Prince, being a minor, was let out of jail again and so I figure it's probably him and his lot of thug middle schoolers again.

Dirty Laundry

At any given point there are always a few good, bloody divorces going on in Wide Lawns, and this holiday season is no different. For the past few months the Worstles have been going through a bitter dispute which provides us with excellent incident reports every few weeks. The Worstles split up over the summer. Mr. Worstle, who is fat and bald and nebbishy somehow got a new girlfriend and moved her in, right after he kicked out Mrs. Worstle, who decided, like many jilted wives in here, to remain in Wide Lawns.

I cant figure out why these couples who break up decide to live on as neighbors. I think they like the drama. That's the only logic I can come up with. This way, they can run into one another at the Clubhouse, in the dining room, in the fitness center and at the front gate. These run ins give them numerous oportunities to spy on their ex spouses and their new significant others, and to cause scenes in public and entertain all the other club members and we, the bored employees. It is beneficial to everyone involved.

Mrs. Worstle responded to her break-up by going on the Atkins diet and losing a ton of weight so she is significantly less frumpy than she was before, although she is still not exactly what one would call hot. She then went out and got a younger periodontist to be her boyfriend and so she would have someone to flaunt around with at the Clubhouse herself. He also does a very good job at confronting and starting fights with Mr. Worstle when he sees him.

The sad thing is that the Worstles have kids. The kids remained with their mom, but go over to their dad's house quite often, but strongly dislike their new stepmom. Apparently Mr. Worstle married his girlfriend and now there are two Mrs. Worstles. Old Mrs. Worstle and New Mrs. Worstle.

Over the summer Old Mrs. Worstle coincidentally passed by Mr. Worstles house and saw him and New Mrs. Worstle in their SUV in the driveway getting ready to go somewhere. Old Mrs. Worstle got out of her car and asked Mr. Worstle if he could pick the kids up at school For some reason his answer was no and this made Old Mrs. Worstle mad. A spat ensued and somehow Old Mrs. Worstle blamed New Mrs. Worstle for Mr. Worstle's not being able to pick up the kids at school. Old Mrs. Worstle was in Mr. Worstle's driveway on foot and Mr. Worstle was in the SUV. He then tried to pull out and somehow caught Old Mrs. Worstle's tee shirt sleeve on the sideview mirror of the SUV and dragged her down the driveway. She then fell down and Mr. Worstle backed over her leaving a large black and very distinct tire print on her shirt. Luckily, due to the fact that at that time Mrs. Worstle had not yet made very much progress on the Atkins diet, she was still fat and had a lot of padding over her organs, and thus, being run over by an SUV did not actually hurt her at all. She did, however, freak out (understandably) and called Basura PD who came and chalked it all up to an accident. Mr. Worstle swears he did not mean to back over Old Mrs. Worstle, but I beg to differ. He seems exactly the type to do such a thing and I think he was disappointed that all he did was ruin her tee shirt.

This weekend I received this report:

At 1637 hours, security arrived at the scene and met with the resident Mrs. Worstle who stated that she left her home at 8am this morning and and returned at 8:30 to find a bag of dirty laundry on her front step. Her son Ira stated that his stepmother Kathy would not do his laundry for him. Mrs. Worstle took the laundry back to her ex husbands home and left it on his front door. At 4:30 pm when she returned from taking Ira to his tennis lesson she found the dirty laundry scattered all over her front yard and driveway. Mrs. Worstle called Basura PD to make a report of this incident. Basura PD arrived at the scene and collected the clothing and returned them to Mr. Worstle who did not want them. Basura PD then returned the clothes back to Mrs. Worstle, who took them back.

Talk about airing your dirty laundry.