The Worst Job at Wide Lawns.
It could probably be said that, although I complain about my job from time to time, that I probably have one of the easiest and most pleasant jobs in Wide Lawns Country Club. Being the barcode-putter-on-er is not that bad in the grand scheme of things I suppose, especially when you consider that there is someone here whose job is "Sweat Wiper Upper".
Wide Lawns has an enormous and brand new fitness center. It is nicer than any gym I have ever seen and has the latest in every sort of gym equipment that you can imagine. There is a full spa, exercise rooms, rooms for doing yoga, and a whirlpool in the men's locker room. Apparently they didn't give the women one as well because someone got the idea that it was unhealthy for women to sit in whirlpools, and we certainly wouldn't want the fair ladies of Wide Lawns walking around with burning, itching crotches now would we? But that is another story. Let's just leave it at the new Fitness Center is downright opulent and has everything a fitness oriented person could dream of. It also has a very extensive staff who are trained to basically kiss the butt of the club members.
One of these unfortunate butt kissing positions is the official "Wide Lawns Sweat Wiper Upper." When people use the gym equipment they inevitably work up quite a sweat and then go lay on the weight benches, fling beads of perspiration through the air and make sticky, salty hand prints on the stair steppers and elliptical machines. In the old fitness center, which is now torn down and was much smaller and far less opulent, some people were actually expected to wipe up their own sweat. Many club members could simply not abide this. How could the club, to which they pay their hard earned, mostly inherited from their parents dues, actually expect them to wipe down the equipment when they were finished using it? It just wasn't working, so they had to create the job of Sweat Wiper.
The Sweat Wiper's main duty is to stand in the exercise rooms with clean towels and Windex and to immediately eradicate all evidence of sweat from every piece of gym equipment at the exact second that it is finished being used. All day long this poor soul has to stand there, and it is of course a Haitian immigrant who probably speaks 3 words of English, and watch people work out and then clean up after them. I can not think of a more humiliating or pointless job.